Archive for the 'Ethics & Etiquette' Category
07-01-2008
Handshaking - an American Custom. What do you do if you don’t like to shake hands?
It is considered good manners in the U.S. to shake hands when introduced to someone. We have all been told to use a “firm grip” when shaking hands. My experience is women are the worst offenders by squeezing my hand too hard - a vise grip. On occasion it actually hurt me.
In the winter when it is cold season and people are touching everything without washing their hands, blowing their nose, coughing into their hands, sneezing into their hands, passing their cold around the office. Who wants to shake hands!!
How do I or anyone else deal with not wanting to shake hands without seeming rude, impolite, standoffish or weird? What is a good way to deal with this?
I like the Japanese custom of bowing.
Clarification added:
Thanks all for your comments. Actually my main concern wasn’t so much the germ issue as it was bone crunching hand shakes that KILL my hand. Due to tendonitis in my right arm from over computer use, it can really hurt. How can I tactfully avoid shaking hands?
Answers:
First let me correct you. Handshaking is NOT an American custom it is European. It was the means by which two individuals (men mostly back between 600 and 1,000 years ago) could show each other that they were being friendly - this is why it is done by the right-hand the weapon hand.
There were two distinctions to the handshake rule (from past research) Knights Templars and Barristers (in UK) who regarded other as friends so there was an element of trust - they all knew each other in those days.
I am with you though about firmness of grip - I tend to push back if it is too hard. You say women are at fault more than men - I say the reverse - but then I am a man.
I suspect that in man-woman handshakes the average man will be gentler that he will be with a man. I don’t know why possibly he is afraid he will be too strong and crush her hand. With man-man or woman-woman handshakes there is no holds barred - it is an outright contest.
The angle of approach is also important and affects the grip. Believe it or not there have been studies made on this subject. We all differ our grip according to who we will shake hands with. An open grip (palm showing) will be done when the person is approaching a superior person - the CEO - someone they admire, etc.
The domineering person advances with a closed grip (back of hand showing). the neutral handshake is performed amongst equals (hand is in vertical position).
Check this out next time.
BTW: Indians and Japanese (and others) that live in the west have given up their customs (and often keep them when returning to their homeland). Europeans turn the handshake into a kiss and hug (irrespective of the sex of the participants).
The excuse of not shaking because of the fear of spreading germs does not seem to me to be all that valid as we will then touch the shopping cart that was just sneezed on with our bare hands. IMHO some Japanese have gone over the top (OTT) is respect of wearing masks for fear of catching something.
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06-22-2008
Work/life balance
This is an interesting topic to me since I manage a team, but it is also of interest because it means so many things to so many people. I am especially interested in hearing about this topic from a management perspective (either through your own experiences as a manager, or through your own observations). What does this concept of balance mean to you, does it even exist and in what situations have you seen it work best across a team? How has it been measured?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding these questions!
Answers:
By Peter B. Giblett
It is important to have a balance in all things. Work is no different. You can be dedicated to your work without working 80 hours a week.
Having a life outside work is essential in refuelling the body and mind in order to face the next work challenge.
There are times when work takes priority. I have a couple of times worked all weekend (till 3am Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and sometimes Monday when it is a holiday weekend) in order to ensure a project goes in on time. However this should only occur once in a while, you do not want to do that every week, it will not do you or the corporation any good.
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06-22-2008
Does wisdom have a “best before” date?
As professionals and successful business people, how much advice and guidance do we seek out (or even appreciate) from older generations?
Sure, trends change; thinking and ‘accepted wisdom’ is frequently challenged or updated; but does *all* advice ever become outdated? What kind of resources can our parents - even grandparents, if they are still around - be?
Do you ever seek the opinion or input from your parents in business matters? Or do you think their wisdom is beyond it’s “best before” date?
I would love to get your thoughts.
Answers:
By Peter B.Giblett
Wisdom should be timeless, however as with many things today it all to inevitably has a sell-by date.
From my observations in life:
When I was young I wanted to learn, sure I had my ideas - but I was warned to listen to those that had experience. I did this, but always added my own feelings about how we should approach things.
As I grew older I found that I would make suggestions that would be dismissed by my elders, but when the result was achieved, it was my suggestion that was adopted (albeit claimed by someone else - I did not mind as I knew the truth).
Now I am the elder, and have a wealth of experience to offer. The youngsters are determined to ignore me and just get on with it, usually to their detriment. And when, occasionally, they succeed you are accused of being negative.
For me wisdom has no “best before date” - you can always learn from shared wisdom, even if the times have moved on; the genuine wisdom should have a relevancy that you can learn from.
Often times, it may have an “ahead of its time” date and those are the real pearls that are worth connecting with and harvesting - the challenge is in spotting them….
Links:
We have a saying in Spanish, “Mas sabe el Diablo por Viejo que por Diablo”, which literally means, the devil is wise not because he’s the devil but because he’s old.
There are some things that only experience (often through age) can teach you. Whether you can learn from someone else’s experience is another matter. My mother was a very astute businesswoman and I respected her advice even if I didn’t always agree with it. Sometimes I was able to learn from her experiences and other times, I needed to take my own risks and make my own mistakes.
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04-08-2008
Would you forward an Introduction with “u” instead of “You”?
Here’s the text of an Introduction request that I received recently. Would you forward this Introduction?
can u intro me? thanks so much. hope all is well. let me know if i can help u in anyway.
At what point is it appropriate to decline forwarding? Should I expect a higher level of professionalism, or is this the way it is here?
bruce.kane.linkedin@gmail.com
open networker: http://www.linkedin.com/in/brucekane
By Bruce Kane
Peter’s Answer
It is one thing using abbreviations for Instant Messaging (IM) and Mobile phone texts (SMS) but it is quite another to use this in a professional context.
To me this is part of the declining standards of use of the English language. In particular the young generation consider it ‘kool 2 diss’ the language. Lets use the language correctly.
While I am on the topic here are two Americanisms that I hate:
“Often times” - it is sufficient to say “often” on its own
“Normalcy” - there is no such world in the English language. the correct word is “Normality”
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