07-01-2008
Handshaking - an American Custom. What do you do if you don’t like to shake hands?
It is considered good manners in the U.S. to shake hands when introduced to someone. We have all been told to use a “firm grip” when shaking hands. My experience is women are the worst offenders by squeezing my hand too hard - a vise grip. On occasion it actually hurt me.
In the winter when it is cold season and people are touching everything without washing their hands, blowing their nose, coughing into their hands, sneezing into their hands, passing their cold around the office. Who wants to shake hands!!
How do I or anyone else deal with not wanting to shake hands without seeming rude, impolite, standoffish or weird? What is a good way to deal with this?
I like the Japanese custom of bowing.
Clarification added:
Thanks all for your comments. Actually my main concern wasn’t so much the germ issue as it was bone crunching hand shakes that KILL my hand. Due to tendonitis in my right arm from over computer use, it can really hurt. How can I tactfully avoid shaking hands?
Answers:
First let me correct you. Handshaking is NOT an American custom it is European. It was the means by which two individuals (men mostly back between 600 and 1,000 years ago) could show each other that they were being friendly - this is why it is done by the right-hand the weapon hand.
There were two distinctions to the handshake rule (from past research) Knights Templars and Barristers (in UK) who regarded other as friends so there was an element of trust - they all knew each other in those days.
I am with you though about firmness of grip - I tend to push back if it is too hard. You say women are at fault more than men - I say the reverse - but then I am a man.
I suspect that in man-woman handshakes the average man will be gentler that he will be with a man. I don’t know why possibly he is afraid he will be too strong and crush her hand. With man-man or woman-woman handshakes there is no holds barred - it is an outright contest.
The angle of approach is also important and affects the grip. Believe it or not there have been studies made on this subject. We all differ our grip according to who we will shake hands with. An open grip (palm showing) will be done when the person is approaching a superior person - the CEO - someone they admire, etc.
The domineering person advances with a closed grip (back of hand showing). the neutral handshake is performed amongst equals (hand is in vertical position).
Check this out next time.
BTW: Indians and Japanese (and others) that live in the west have given up their customs (and often keep them when returning to their homeland). Europeans turn the handshake into a kiss and hug (irrespective of the sex of the participants).
The excuse of not shaking because of the fear of spreading germs does not seem to me to be all that valid as we will then touch the shopping cart that was just sneezed on with our bare hands. IMHO some Japanese have gone over the top (OTT) is respect of wearing masks for fear of catching something.
Posted by webmaster in Answers, Ethics & Etiquette | RSS 2.0
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